Last month, I turned 40.
And for some reason, I expected something monumental to happen. I don’t know exactly what I thought it would look like, but I imagined that turning 40 would somehow unlock the keys to the kingdom. That I would wake up with some newfound wisdom, an abundance of clarity, and an entirely different perspective on life.
I’d seen other people talk about turning 40 as if it were this beautiful awakening, and I was running toward it with open arms. I just knew I was about to enter a new era of wisdom, and become the woman who had finally figured things out.
Imagine my surprise when my 40th birthday arrived, and… nothing.
No grand revelation. No sudden illumination. No magical transformation. I felt pretty much the same as I did the day before when I was 39.
I’d even planned a birthday photoshoot and had every intention of sharing the pictures on my birthday alongside some deep, profound reflections about what it meant to enter this new decade.
But God had other plans.
Instead of posting, I felt led to step away from social media for a few days. I wanted to begin my 40s differently. Not with an announcement to the world, but instead I decided to start out with a moment with God.
I wanted to spend time with Him. To thank Him for allowing me to see 40. To express my gratitude for the life I’ve been given and, more importantly, to ask Him to continue imparting His wisdom in me. I didn’t want to rush into this next chapter by immediately sharing it with everyone else.
The weeks that followed were full, and somewhere between the responsibilities, celebrations, and everyday demands of life, I never got around to sharing those pictures or writing the birthday reflections I’d originally planned. But perhaps I needed a little more time to live the reflection before I could write about it.
A Conversation That Changed My Perspective
A few days after my birthday, I had an appointment with my eye doctor. When reviewing my paperwork, several people noticed my birthday had recently passed and offered belated birthday wishes.
One of the technicians was particularly curious. While conducting some of the eye tests, he said, “I see you just turned 40. What’s it like?”
I paused because, honestly, I didn’t have some profound answer.
“It’s pretty much like it was the day before,” I told him. “I’m not sure anything is significantly different. But I’m grateful to be this age because not everybody gets to 40.”
He shared that he had two years before reaching 40 himself, and he wasn’t excited about it.
I asked him why.
His response was simple: He didn’t feel like he was where he wanted to be in life.
And that’s when our conversation took a turn.
I started sharing with him what I believe is one of the greatest blessings of turning 40:
You get to experience the next chapter of your life with the wisdom of the chapters you’ve already lived.
Think about that for a moment. God willing, we could have another 40+ years ahead of us. With advances in medicine and more resources to take proper care of our bodies, there could be more life ahead of you than behind you!
But here’s the beautiful part: We aren’t starting those next 40 years as the people we were in our youth.
We’re not starting with the same naivety. We’re not navigating life with the same desperate need to please everyone. We’re not operating under the assumption that the number of friends we have determines our worth or that every opportunity deserves a “yes”.
We’ve lived enough to know that some things we once considered incredibly important simply aren’t.
We’ve learned that not every disagreement requires our participation. Not every relationship deserves unlimited access to us. Not every opportunity is an assignment. And not every expectation placed on us is one we have to fulfill.
We’ve experienced enough life to recognize that some of the things that once consumed us were never deserving of so much of our energy in the first place.
And perhaps most importantly, we’ve had time to wrestle with ourselves.
We’ve confronted insecurities, questioned our identities, experienced disappointments, made mistakes, and learned some difficult lessons about who we are and who we aren’t.
We have a better understanding of ourselves.
So why would we approach the next 40 years as if we’re somehow behind?
I told him that his next 40-plus years could very well be the best years of his life. Not because everything would suddenly become easier, but because he would be entering them with something he didn’t have 20 years ago.
Experience.
He looked at me and said, “You know, I really appreciate that. That’s such a great perspective.”
And in that moment, something clicked for me.
Maybe I Have Learned Something After All
I’ve spent so much time thinking about what turning 40 would teach me that I hadn’t considered what the first 40 years had already taught me.
I think we get caught up in this hamster wheel of “what’s next?”
The next accomplishment. The next milestone. The next version of ourselves.
We’re so busy trying to get somewhere that we sometimes fail to recognize where we already are.
We forget that we’re living in answered prayers.
We forget to pause and ask ourselves whether what we’re pursuing is even valuable to us anymore. Whether it’s something we genuinely want or simply something we’ve been conditioned to believe we should want.
Are we pursuing certain things because they align with our purpose, or because we’ve been influenced by the expectations of friends, family, and society?
Are we building a life that we actually enjoy living, or are we simply building one that looks good to other people?
I think those are important questions to ask at any age, but there’s something particularly liberating about asking them at 40.
Because at this stage, I don’t feel the same urgency to prove that I’m worthy of the things I want.
I don’t feel the same need to explain every decision, justify every boundary, or make myself smaller to accommodate someone else’s comfort.
And perhaps that is wisdom.
Not knowing everything. Not having all the answers. Not believing that I’ve somehow arrived at some final destination of personal development.
But knowing enough to recognize what deserves my energy, what deserves my attention, and what deserves to be left behind.
The Woman I’m Becoming
As I think about these next 40 years, there are so many things I’m excited about.
I’m excited about launching into the Bonita I’ve always wanted to be but perhaps wasn’t always brave enough to become.
I’m excited about pursuing things simply because they bring me joy, not because they contribute to some achievement.
I’m ready to create, explore, learn, and allow myself to be a beginner at things without feeling the need to immediately master them.
I’m excited about being more intentional with my time, my relationships, my health, my faith, and the experiences I allow into my life.
I’m even excited about the things I don’t know yet. Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that there is still so much life to experience, so much to discover, and so much wisdom to acquire.
I don’t want to enter this decade believing I have it all figured out. I want to enter it with an open heart, a willingness to learn, and the confidence that I don’t have to have everything figured out to enjoy where I am.
Cheers to the Next 40+
Maybe, just maybe, the greatest gift of turning 40 is realizing that you have more life ahead of you, but you get to live it with everything life has already taught you.
I didn’t wake up on my 40th birthday with all the wisdom I thought I would.
But somewhere between my quiet time with God, an unexpected conversation with an eye technician, and a moment of reflection, I realized something:
Perhaps the wisdom I was waiting to receive was the wisdom I’d already spent 40 years acquiring.
So to the woman I’ve been, the woman I am, and the woman I’m still becoming. Cheers to 40. The next chapter is mine to live.
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